Well, last Saturday I walked across the stage.
Mom, Dad, and I got up around 7 to get dressed. We loaded the car and stopped for breakfast before arriving in Huntsville. Technically I was supposed to be there at 9 but we didn’t get there until 9:10 or so. The traffic was already unbelievable.
Dad dropped Mom and I off and we walked to the HKC where Mom helped me get my cap and gown on. I went inside and everyone was in the three gyms lining up, according to college. You could feel the excitement in the air. Everyone was chattering and laughing and excited about walking across the stage. There were professors in there helping students line up and making sure we didn’t leave once we got in there. We checked in and received a card with our name on it. At 9:30, they put us in lines of 20, since there were 20 chairs in a line in the coliseum. Then after a little while, we began the walk across the street to the Coliseum.
It was interesting when we were walking to the Coliseum. People were outside the door with cameras taking pictures. A couple of people were bringing their graduates last minute things. You could also see several last minute people arriving at the coliseum to try and get a seat.
As soon as we got into the Coliseum, a kind of nervousness and excitement hit as soon as I walked in the tunnel of the Coliseum. As soon as the first people started walking in, you could hear friends and family yelling names, airhorns going off, tons of camera flashes flashing, and almost a definite roar. I think Dad yelled my name but I wasn’t for sure. Since we got there late, them and Carter and Tyler had to sit up pretty high. The whole graduation theme song was playing repeatedly as we were coming in.
There was a welcome and message, then the National Anthem sung, and the speaker spoke, then the conference of degrees by college, finally the people getting their degrees. The speaker was pretty good. I like speakers who know what they have to say should be relatively quick and to the point because they are taking account of their audience. Her speech was about life and being happy about what you do. Beyond that I honestly don’t remember much about the speech. I kept looking around seeing if I could find Carter, Tyler, Mom, and Dad. Plus I was honestly trying to pay attention. The speaker finished and the name calling began.
Excitement really started filling the air when diploma tubes were being handed out. At SHSU, we didn’t get our real diplomas at graduation. Because of their poor lack of planning, the administration has us take finals to the day before graduation and so grades aren’t even due in the Registrar’s office until the following Monday. So we get a tube with a president letter and a picture of Austin Hall in it. I was in the College of Humanities and Social Sciences, the second college in that graduation, and towards the end of the alphabet. They called my row and I left my card in the seat next to me and had to hold up the line by asking a girl to get it for me, four or five down the row from me. I go up and wait. They call me name and I walk across the stage, take the tube, shake Dr. Gaertner’s hand, shake some other hands, walk down the ramp, shake more hands, walk to my seat. Now, my hat is on wrong and doesn’t fit well so I’m having to hold it the entire time so it doesn’t fall off. I can’t remember if I see Dad at the end of it or not, after getting my tube. I think I did. So I go back to my seat and wait until the names are finished because there’s no leaving early in our graduation. It’s done, and I got the fake diploma.
All the names are called and we file our row by row. Dad calls me and takes my picture under the tunnel and a couple faculty members I’ve had shake call my name and congratulate me. I climb the stairs and go out and meet the rest of the crew outside. We take some pictures in the grass and get ready to leave. I ride back to the house with Carter and Tyler. I’m graduated.
We get back to the house and I give Carter and Tyler a tour. I didn’t get out of the robe for a while. Dang the robe was hot! But it was comfortable and I guess I didn’t want to lose the moment. We had a graduation party for me at the house and planned for like 30 people to come. Mom and Dad did good. They had barbecued smoked brisket, potato salad, tons of pinto beans, bread, and a big cake. Out of politeness, mom put no gift on the invitations. I was kind of peeved. I could have gotten some gifts and people had the choice, they shouldn’t have felt obligated to give or not to give. Scott came by a little later. A few people showed up including the neighbors (some) and a couple friends I hadn’t seen in a while. I was glad Carter and Tyler were there and then it was good to see Ty and Jeremy.
But honestly, I was disappointed with the party. Only 11 people came, less than half of what we sent out invitations for. People on Facebook that said they were coming didn’t come. We had tons of food left over. Feeling pretty low anyway, not having many people come made me feel a little worse. I don’t know if it was a bad weekend or what.
So, it’s been a week since graduation. I’ve been asked if I feel any different. I don’t think it’s hit me 100% yet. I went to Fort Worth for a job interview Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday and Wednesday we moved me out of the apartment. Someone the apartment found took over the lease and wanted the apartment that weekend and so we wouldn’t have to pay June and July rent (lease was technically up July 31), and they waved the $350 fee if we could be out by Thursday. Thursday I just kind of collapsed and did a little job looking. Went to College Station Wed. or Thurs. This past weekend was Memorial Day weekend and so most of it was spent with family.
I know I’ve been more lonely. I don’t have hardly any friends or anyone to hang out with at my parents’ house or with Crossroads. Dealing with depression and stuff is a little harder here because I have less to do, less people to encourage me, more of a reason to lay in bed and not want to face life that day. So this crap distracts me from a lot of stuff and interferes with life. I know it interferes with trying to find a job because I think I’ll never find one and not worthy of anything but a bullet in the head.
I’ve also been still struggling at whether or not to move to Fort Worth or stay at home. Both of advantages and disadvantages. I still have a couple months, until the first of August, to decide. But it’s like God isn’t doing anything. I’ve been praying and asking, Mom has been praying and asking, I know a couple others who say they’re praying for me. I’ve even asked God to affirm through others maybe in spiritual authority and older what I should do. It’s like God is ignoring me. Sure, I don’t spend as much time with God as I should but I try. Same thing with this stupid job search. God knows I need a job but yet He isn’t taking any of these apps I’ve filled out or interviews I ‘ve been on and turning them into any fruit. So I don’t know what the deal is here.
So like I said earlier, I guess the reality of graduation hasn’t hit me yet.
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